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Features

  • July 31, 1986 (30 Years Ago)
    Trimble County farmers were generous in their contribution to South Carolina farmers by getting involved in “Operation Haylift.” The drought-stricken southeastern part of the nation has already suffered crop and livestock losses estimated at more than $1 billion. Some sections have been rocked by a yearlong drought and excessive heat, resulting in 48 deaths due to the excessive heat. Trimble County farmers have pledged to send 1,500 square bales of hay for the relief effort.

  • This July 4th my family and I visited a nearby water park. The day was beautiful and the park was full. Dear Old Father Time, Bless his soul, has seen to it that roller coasters are no longer conducive to my optimum gastric stability. In short, my stomach will throw all engines into reverse and I will ruin the lunch plans for my fellow merry makers. Since my laptop causes motion sickness, imagine what a high-speed amusement projectile will cause. I now content myself with bumper cars, cars-on-a-track, and any kiddy ride on which I can stow away.

  • The railroad detectives had shown up at Jared’s front door for the second time in a month.
    “Mr. Walker, your boy is going to have to stay off the train trestle down at the river. One more time and I won’t be coming here to talk.”
    After they left, my uncle turned to Jared, my cousin, and said, “I have talked to your grandfather and grandmother and you are staying the summer with them. Maybe a good dose of farm labor will help you think before you jump.”

  • On Dec. 8, 2014, no one got eaten alive on the Discovery Channel’s “Eaten Alive” -- and some viewers who tuned in to see carnage were outraged.
    On May 6 of the same year, actress Shailene Woodley outraged feminists by announcing that she’s not a feminist, and on Aug. 28, Hello Kitty fans were outraged when the Sanrio company said Hello Kitty “is not a cat.”

  • July 24, 1986 (30 years ago)
    Tina furnish of Route 3 Milton, was crowned Miss Shelby Rural Electric for 1986. Tina is the 17-year-old daughter of Terry and Patricia Morgan. Tina was chosen from a field of 13 young ladies competing for the crown. She received a $1000 scholarship to help with her education.

  • I have resigned myself to the fact that I have absolutely no ability to conduct my life in a fashion befitting a woman in my particular demographic. The things that occur during the course of the week are absolutely mindless. The events have happened as a result of memory lapses or outright orneriness. I commit a blindingly ill-considered action which I know will result in something stupid, but I seem to have no ability to resist.

  • An old story illustrates the limitations caused by jumping to conclusions without considering the larger picture.
    A young soldier and his commanding officer boarded a train and sat down next to a grandmother traveling with her pretty young granddaughter. As they continued the trip, the young soldier and young lady were obviously attracted to each other. As the train roared through a tunnel, you heard a kiss and then a slap.
    The commanding officer rubbed his jaw and thought, “the young lady meant to slap my impudent soldier and hit me instead.”

  • Ten years ago I wrote: “My friend Mike ate breakfast last week, which is nothing short of a miracle.
    “He doesn’t shake anymore or wake up in the middle of the night sweating. The little green monkeys that haunt him are gone too.”
    This week, my friend Mike is celebrating 10 years being sober. Not just sober, but healed and forgiven, whole and hopeful. He’s tasted the mercy of God, felt his hand of grace that pulled him from the abyss.

  • July 10, 1986 (30 years ago)
    The Trimble County population continues to grow according to figures released by a Population Studies Program.  The study reveals that Trimble’s population has increased by 84 people from 1980-1985. Projected growth calls for added growth in the future, for instance predicting a population increase of 194 between the years of 1985 and 1990.

  • My husband was recently watching a tennis match on TV. At the risk of plagiarizing myself, “this man has never participated in a sport at which he did not excel. I on the other hand, have never participated in a sport in which I wasn’t a hazard to myself and others” (Crystanomoly, 2015). In the five years we have been married he has equipped me with various pieces of athletic paraphernalia. He has determined that he will transform his klutzy, baby giraffe into a graceful gazelle; Bless his heart.

  • This is a true story…except for the parts I made up.
    My cousin Pete and I spent our childhood summers on Granddaddy’s farm. He had set aside a pond in the “bottom 40” strictly for frog giggin’. Frog giggin’ is an egalitarian sport—you don’t need to be big or tall to participate or buy a $20,000 boat. All you need is a 5 gallon plastic bucket, a strong flashlight and a 3 pronged gigger; Duct tape the flashlight to the pitchfork and you’re good to go.

  • When I first met my husband he drove a brand-new 1973 Mercury Comet GT, white with orange pinstripes along the sides and orange vinyl interior -- and a manual transmission.
    As Barry attempted to teach me how to drive it, I proved myself to be a willing student, but not an adept one.
    I understood the whole clutch-brake-gas pedal thing in theory, but when it came to putting my foot on the correct pedal at the correct time there seemed to be either one too many pedals or I had one too few feet to do it right.

  • Characters—every family has them—our family was “blessed” with many. If you shook our family tree, more than a few nuts would fall out, and it was a heavy producer. With 40 uncles and aunts, (I’m not exaggerating…yet) there was never a shortage of unusual circumstances.

  • Every so often I’ll say to God, “With all due respect and with the full realization that you can fry me on the spot, which I admittedly deserve -- you have obviously lost your mind, Sir.”
    Here’s a perfect example: After many, many months of inviting a friend to my church, one day several years ago this friend finally decided to actually come.
    I should’ve been happy about that, but that particular week was right in the middle of a capital campaign, which meant the pastor would be talking about giving money.

  • July 3, 1986  (30 years ago)
    All ablaze; Both Milton and Bedford Fire Departments and EMS responded to the scene of two house fires shortly after 6 p.m. Monday. The property was recently purchased by Jack Olds, who wanted the vacant houses destroyed.  The fire departments and ambulance crews used the opportunity to stage a working fire drill.

  • I absolutely do not understand fashion. I realize that goes without saying if you know me, but I recently saw a commercial for a beauty product which baffled me.

  • Moses had a problem, not the one in the Bible, but the one down at our neighborhood grocery store.