I suffer from a rare malady. It’s called Unintentional Clamor Syndrome. Basically, the more I try to be quiet, the louder I become. When my condition is active I will manage to tip over objects which have been in the same location for years. The ensuing crash is usually spectacular and deafening. Once I’ve created an unexpected noise it is guaranteed to cause the dogs to bark, the cats to flee, my mother-in law to drop a stitch in her knitting, and the neighbors to shake their heads in dismay.