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You won’t believe what sunspots can do to a planet ...

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By The Staff

My plans for the future, it seems, are all for naught.

I received in the mail a letter that says, basically, that the world will end in 2012. Of course, there is no return address or signature to identify the writer/sender. All I know is it was mailed from Louisville 40231.

But shoot. I had a lot of big plans for 2012.

Maybe you haven’t heard, so consider this a heads up: It’s all because of the “Transit of Venus.” Apparently, the last time Venus was in retrograde, we had the tsunami in the Indian Ocean; the time before that was way back in 1883, when Krakatoa erupted in Indonesia and caused a “mega tsunami.” (Our writer does not differentiate a mega tsunami from a regular, run-of-the-mill tsunami, but to me it seems Indonesians have more to fear than we do.)

If that wasn’t enough, the sunspot cycle is gearing up for “catastrophic sun flares” in June 2012, which will create “devastating effects on technological infrastructure and global economy.”

Huh.

The letter goes on to blame “Earth’s weakening magnetosphere” for swine flu outbreaks, “loss of rationality” and “global insomnia” (whatever that means), as well as a steady increase in violent/bizarre incidents, murder/suicides, industrial accidents, fatal traffic accidents, increased cancer rates and migraine/sinus-related headaches, brain aneurysms, cardiovascular disease and deaths.

You know, I had a hangnail the other day. Coincidence? I think not.

This year, that malicious magnetosphere caused the ice storm in the midwest, the “freak” blizzard in Great Britain, the drought and wildfires in Australia last year, and a deadly cyclone off the coast of Spain and Portugal.

Huh.

I searched for this last one on the Internet, and I might clarify that it was actually a hurricane, as cyclones happen in the other hemisphere. If I have the right event, it occurred Jan. 25, 2009, and it hit Spain and France, particularly Barcelona.

Oh, and, somehow the Federal Emergency Management Agency is aware of the coming cataclysm. Our writer says FEMA has syphoned not billions, but trillions of dollars from the U.S. economy (causing, of course, the Wall Street collapse last year, you know) and has built hundreds of “concentration camps” across the country.

Huh.

Considering this is the same federal agency that couldn’t find it’s hindquarters with a map and flashlight in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, I find this the hardest to believe of anything I read in this unsigned letter.

Apparently if you “Google” all these things online, the Internet will lead you to The Truth. Sure. Because, we all know that everything you see and read online is true.

According to one Web site, FEMA’s “camps” are fully staffed, though none has any prisoners. I want that job. Not only is it apparently so secret, no one (well, except for the people who created the Web site) – knows about them, they are getting paid full-time wages for basically doing nothing. And, I’m guessing they are government jobs, so they would come with government benefits.

I wouldn’t turn that down.

However, I didn’t go much deeper into the conspiracy-theorist portion of the Internet. It is a very dark and scary place, and I don’t recommend it to anyone.

But, to quote my anonymous friend, “Time is very short now. You have been warned. ...”

So, you are welcome to join me while I rethink what I had planned on doing between now and 2012. You know, just in case.

Phyllis McLaughlin is editor of The Trimble Banner. Her opinions here are her own.