Pumpkin spice

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Unfortunately for me my favorite season is coming to an end. The days have grown shorter. Much to my disgust I find myself wearing a jacket in the mornings and evenings. The flower beds and the gardens are playing out, and that little fiend Jack Frost is lurking somewhere in the shadows waiting for his chance to spoil my mornings.
While I sit in a corner grumbling and pouting about the inevitable beginning of Fall, I know that many are happily anticipating the return of pumpkin spice everything! Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice cookies, pumpkin spice milkshakes (bleah!) and pumpkin spice as far as the eye can see.
I can eat one token slice of pumpkin pie during the holidays and am done for the year. I feel obligated to partake of this dessert because I don’t wish to appear rude. I just don’t see what all this pumpkin fuss is about.
The pumpkin is clearly the most adorable member of the produce world. The classic pumpkin is bright orange and pleasantly plump. Its color nicely complements the fall pallet. The contrast between it and the remaining greens of summer is pleasing to the eye. However, despite these wonderful traits, its flavor, when not spiced to within a fare-the-well, can only be described as bland. I suppose that’s why it’s customary to augment the pumpkin because its natural flavor doesn’t clash with whatever is added. That would seem reasonable.
Despite its many incarnations, this still doesn’t convince me to partake in the humble pumpkin. I’m not overly fond of the spices themselves. Maybe I’m just being a humbug but cloves and nutmeg and the like don’t work for me. I’m the same way about flavored coffees. When I want a cup of Joe, I only want a cup of Joe. No hazelnut, no mocha, just Joe. Likewise, when I want pumpkin…I really don’t want pumpkin.
I don’t mean to criticize any pumpkin spice aficionados. First, I respect the choice of the individual to drink pumpkin-flavored beverages: no matter how ghastly. Second, I realize I am woefully outnumbered.
Lastly I justify my choice to not partake in pumpkin spice- enhanced products thusly: I am a vegetarian, therefore I eat nothing that possesses or has ever possessed a face. Pumpkin spice comes from pumpkins. Pumpkins become jack-o-lanterns. Jack-o-lanterns have faces; therefore, I cannot eat pumpkins, or their spice.